you know highscool... you go to school, see girls, guys, guys being dicks, guys being dicks to other guys, guys being dicks to girls, or the oh so rare, girls being dicks to guys. of course, this happens for all grades.... most the times its the seinors, 12'th graders, top dogs in the school, that like picking on people for their issues and features.

i'm "graced" with orange/red hair.... i've dealt with getting picked on, teased and taunted for the past 9 years or so... i'm 14... Sense first grade i've been bullied, so back then, when all you needed was to punch them as hard as possible, i was able to keep on top. Even though in 2n'd/3rd grade i won against 3 4'th/5'th graders, doesn't mean i was top dog all the time.

In middle school, i settled down a lot. 6'th grade, i was a bit hyper, not getting as much energy out of my body due to no recess... Then 7'th grade i settled down even more because of Leesha/river, passing down her clamer habbits from me being at her house most of the year. NO, we didn't date, or want to.

8'th grade... wow... all i had was shy people, and hyper people that i seen throughout the day.... Leesha, i didn't see her untill i became a freshmen, this year. I calmed down, a lot more than people expected. I was bullied by my own friends, just to stick up for one that gets on my nerves. but hey, if I DONT like it, HE doesn't! so i helped him out. got picked on for involving my mum and school... so mum went to their parents... got teased some but they stoped. lost over half my friends.

Current year. picked on daily... havn't been shuved into lockers. I have been hearing things, threatend, harrased and its to the point where i don't want to go to school...


now heres where i'd like leesha and hopefully if forrest ever reads this to stop, because they won't let this one go that much.And leesha, if much of this leaks to forrest while he is where we both know he is, i'll be PISSED, he needs to not deal with others stress and depression now...


I worry constantly over my friends, big time on Forrest, and Leesha. SUURE they say their fine and not to worry, but i can see through it and tell there dealing with it worst than me...

MY school days go me waking up, and wishing i didn't. I only go to school willingly now to see friends, who just seeing makes me feel better. I go through the first half of the day with ease. After lunch, things go bad. 4B, my studdy hall, people are dissrespectfull to the teacher and eachother...

5'th period, 6 people who i want to kill, and are the reasoning to me feeling traped. My feeling traped is either wanting to kill someone, but don't want to see the pain from it, making me want to kill myself, but not wanting to leave all my friends and family in pain.

6'th period, i deal with (counts) 10 people who are having fun trying to piss me, others, and the teacher off...6-7 of the 10 i want to kill... also causing me to feel traped.

7'th period... relife finally, fun teacher, teacher who won't take shit, and an easy subject. This class is a big pull to me not going on a killing spree or causing myself harm...

Afterschool, library. seeing my friends and hearing how their day went, sure can be depressing, but its nice just to be with people who won't give you shit and pick on ya... its nice, and they help me with my problems, if i even tell them....

i go home, deal with my brother, who's starting to ease up on me, my dad, who is constantly pissed, and my mom...

I take my showers at night, considering there is no hot water in the morning due to others... Showers are also my friends, i just sit there and think. think think think, listen to music and let my mind float away... i wish my bath tub was larger so i could be in that feeling of floatin off longer...


Bed... me wishing i never wake up, and that the next day if it comes will at least be better...